Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:03 Good election season. I'm Brian. And I'm
Speaker 2 00:00:05 Ronnie. And this is Snorkeling with Narwhals
Speaker 1 00:00:11 Today. We've been talking a lot before the show started about who we think is going to become the next president of the United States.
Speaker 2 00:00:19 It's a, it's a big debate. You know, there have been, there have been many worthy and unworthy candidates. It is many, many debates and many like controversies.
Speaker 1 00:00:30 Controversies, uh,
Speaker 2 00:00:32 It's a very important
Speaker 1 00:00:33 Con slinging mud at each other. Definitely. People dropping out. Yeah, people getting mad. It's been very, very violent and yeah, we just wanna set it, settle it right now so that you know who to vote for. So we are going to, we're gonna transfer into our debate
Speaker 2 00:00:48 Attire now.
Speaker 0 00:00:52 Alright.
Speaker 1 00:00:53 Welcome now to the debate for 2016 presidential election.
Speaker 2 00:00:59 Yes. My candidate and I, I feel so strongly that
Speaker 1 00:01:03 I'm going. So we're, oh, we're sorry. So, okay, these are, oh, you get 90 seconds for your opening remarks. All right. Then there'll be a 22nd, uh, cross-examination. All right. A 32nd rebuttal for each, and then we'll have a few seconds for closing remarks. All right. All right. So, so
Speaker 2 00:01:16 I'll, I'll start.
Speaker 1 00:01:17 Well, the moderator, we'll
Speaker 2 00:01:18 Start you off. Eric is our moderator.
Speaker 3 00:01:21 Okay. Uh, so this first one is for Brian. Yes. You have 90 seconds to talk about your candidate.
Speaker 2 00:01:28 Go. So, my candidate was a war hero. He fought in the Vietnam War. He fought valiantly against Russian terrorism. He tried to negotiate with them because, you know, sometimes you have to, you know, maybe, I don't know, I'm not a politician, but he eventually just decided to take them all out on his own. That president, of course, who I guess is the incumbent is <laugh>, is James Marshall. Now, James Marshall was on his plane, air Force one, when it was hijacked by Russian terrorists. There was one who looked oddly like Gary Oldman, but that's just a coincidence. And what ended up happening was they thought he was dead. They thought either he was dead or that he had escaped the plane. And what was really going on was he was still there, he was still on the plane. He, some hostages didn't make it. That was unfortunate. But he saved the great majority of the hostages. He saved his wife, he saved his daughter, and he delivered this campaign's great campaign's slogan, when he destroyed, destroyed, defeated the leading Russian terrorist. Get off my plane. So here, <laugh>, um, James Marshall is the candidate to beat in this election.
Speaker 3 00:02:59 Your time is up. Thank you, Ronnie. You, you, uh, you're up next. You have 90 seconds go.
Speaker 1 00:03:07 Am I I'm okay. My candidate for the presidential election this year would like to thank you all for coming out and listening. Unlike Brian, he forgot to apparently
Speaker 2 00:03:16 Okay,
Speaker 1 00:03:17 Rat, but <laugh>. But I'd also like to ask you to take the time to vote this year for Josiah Bartlett. Josiah Bartlett is also the incumbent President <laugh>. Josiah has, unlike the, his opponent, March,
Speaker 2 00:03:35 Not, not
Speaker 1 00:03:35 Say his name, not not worked with terrorists, he has even in his most darkest times, stood for what America really believes he is the change that we need. And he is not going to come up with a stupid slogan like, get off my plane. How about Let's save America and make America better for all children, women and all people for tomorrow, for our descendants. Josiah Bartlett is change. You can depend on <laugh>. One more time. 30 seconds. I got 30 seconds. Wow. I see Josiah Bartlett's so great that he speaks for himself and he doesn't even need me to speak for the 30 seconds. You know what? I will give the 30 seconds back to my opponent to try to save what he has his shambles of a debate.
Speaker 3 00:04:21 You have 15 seconds.
Speaker 2 00:04:22 Brian. Has your incumbent ever single-handedly saved, uh, a plane of people from terrorists? Yes. Single-handedly? Yes. Not, not making a decision, but physically incapacitating them, wouldn't
Speaker 1 00:04:36 You? Thank
Speaker 3 00:04:36 You, Ronnie. That is your time.
Speaker 2 00:04:38 I'm Brian <laugh>.
Speaker 1 00:04:41 I'd like to cross-examine my opponent. Now, I would like to point out that by staying on the plane to try to save as many people as possible, he not only put himself at risk, but also the entire United States by placing the president of the United States into the hands of terrorists where he was then tortured and his children's lives were put in harm's way so that he was forced to to work with terrorists. Now, at the same time, Josiah Bartlett's daughter was also kidnapped by terrorists. And at the same time, when he was going through a similar situation, he did not, I repeat, he did not work with terrorists. Terrorism is a terrible threat to this nation and that we should stand against it at every point in time. Also, how does being able to take out the bad guys make you a better president? Presidents are supposed to be people who make the decisions that for all of America, not for their own wellbeing. Putting yourself out there to protect a few people is not what being president about. Being president is about the greater good about serving your country behind the, the desk of the president, behind the podium where you give your speeches, not about kicking butt and taking names.
Speaker 2 00:06:00 May I respond? So you said that James Marshall put America at risk by staying on the plane, which in general I would tend to agree with. However, what you frailed to remember or you know, mention is that his entire cabinet discussed the possibility of naming the vice president as the acting president while he was missing. So they had that choice. They had the signatures to do it. They could have done it if they wanted to. They made the decision not to. So he was still president, not really by his own hand. They made the decision that if they assumed they made the brave decision to assume that he was still alive and allow him to do the best that he could. Also,
Speaker 1 00:06:48 Unfortunately, the people will not be voting for cabinet members. They will be voting for president.
Speaker 2 00:06:53 Exactly. It was not the president who kept himself as the president. It was the cabinet. So you say that they should have, you know, he should have sta gotten off the plane. Well, they thought he was dead. They didn't want to take the presidency away from him even though he was in danger.
Speaker 1 00:07:12 Now that's just stupid. If you assume the president's dead, the acting, the next person in line will take responsibility. And the fact that they did not is that, does not say a massive oversight on the part of his cabinet at
Speaker 2 00:07:24 Time on his cabinet.
Speaker 1 00:07:26 And he selected those people to be his cabinet. So therefore, ergo also it
Speaker 2 00:07:31 Is his fault. Also, these Russian terrorists were trying to force the release of their general. He was like kind of a radical general kind of someone you don't wanna mess with. And by defeating said terrorists, he prevented this general from taking his command again. So that is, I would think the greater good in this situation.
Speaker 1 00:07:54 Boom. Think it's time for a closing remarks.
Speaker 3 00:08:00 Okay. So you both have 20 seconds for closing remarks. We will start with Brian.
Speaker 2 00:08:06 So in conclusion, which you're never supposed to say in a speech, by the way, James Marshall is the best incumbent president to continue being president in America in 2016. He single-handedly saved his family and America at the same time. So I will just end with his perfect slogan. Get off my plane. That's it. That's all I got.
Speaker 1 00:08:34 I want to invite you again to make sure that on voting day this year, you go out and cast your vote for Josiah Bartlet, the man who is promised to not only bring a brighter future for us for today, but is also promising a brighter financial and just all around better future for all Americans for years to come. So I ask you to vote for Josiah Bartlett for America.
Speaker 2 00:09:02 I wish we would've heard a little bit about that financial future, but that's for another day.
Speaker 0 00:09:11 So
Speaker 2 00:09:12 What did we learn today?
Speaker 1 00:09:13 We learned that there's no one who's really perfect for president,
Speaker 2 00:09:18 But we do need to know who won this debate. So Eric, who won,
Speaker 1 00:09:23 And also everyone who's watching, comment below.
Speaker 2 00:09:26 Yeah, we'll put a poll up. Put
Speaker 1 00:09:28 A poll. But who do you think won? Eric?
Speaker 2 00:09:31 Uh, Thomas Whitmore. <laugh>. I
Speaker 1 00:09:36 Guess that's, no, that's it.
